TIME TO GET NAKED

I think it is time I was just bare souling exposed for me and for those in my life.

You see I carry a lot of things and have for a VERY long time and those closest to me would probably say they are aware that maybe life dealt me a few shitty hands but they are unaware of the battle I deal with daily.

This is partly my doing, maybe more than part honestly…

I don’t want to worry people, burden them, guilt them or anything else. But the fact of the matter is a lot of my hurt comes from, of course the tragedy and trauma but also from not being acknowledged.

I need to be seen for the hardship I’ve endured and I need to be understood as a person with a mental illness.

I need to be told “ I know its not fair” “I know this is (still) hard ” “ I see your pain”

Because the truth is, its hard and I struggle most days (even though, yes I am a fighter)

Having a mental illness means my brain has difficulty processing things the same way others may and difficulties naturally producing what helps others cope or be happy.

with addition to having a illness that is challenging I have had a life that was the same…

Its hard my mother was an addict and I grew up with out her…

Hard my dad didn’t take me when she was using…

Hard I have abandonment issues because of it…

Hard I was neglected…

Hard I had to nurture myself and later my brothers…

Hard I never had an age appropriate life…

Hard I didn’t get a childhood…

Hard I learned to emotional eat and have now fight body issues …

Hard I was abused in a marriage…

in relationships…

Hard I have abnormal cancer cell in my uterus and fear not having kids…

Hard I lost my mother so early…

Hard I have PTSD, and anxiety disorder…

on top of my depression and

Hard I now need four pills to feel like myself

I acknowledge these things and my mental illness so vulnerably and naked because I have too.

I never give anyone else the chance to see them because I never speak them out loud but its long over due.

We have the tendency to think that if we survived something its gone, or if someone gets through difficult circumstances they are ok, but that’s not always true.

It hurts to carry these truths of my life, I am picking up the pieces and have been doing so since I was a child and doing so with depression. Its important for me to be seen as strong but it is also so important for me to be seen naked.

this is me naked.

I cant change my past or my mental illness but I can expose it, bare it, face it and invite others in. I can educate others on how to help or understand their loved ones with mental illness and do my part to remove stigma.

I am sure your natural response it to assure me things will get better or point out all the ways I am blessed… and though I understand that response it is not always the one a broken hearts need to hear.

Sometimes we need acknowledgement that this shit is hard and unfair. Sometimes we need congratulations for getting out of bed, or functioning because despite how easy we may make it seem, mental illness a heavy thing. It removes your interest, your motivation, your spirit, it distorts your reality making little things like showing up for yourself and others near impossible.

I am doing what I need to, taking medication, going to therapy, and educating myself on my disease as well as encouraging a healthy and honest narrative for those battling this.

I needed to be honest and naked and be seen exactly where I am at.

be kind to yourself and to others, sometimes just speaking up about your challenges is a victory.

Know I see you, understand you and I know this shit is hard.

You’re doing a great job surviving and one day maybe you will live!

if you know someone with a mental disorder be sure to do your best to see them for where they are at, we appreciate it!

con todo amor,

Jen