This weekend I was challenged. It seems the more I chase this calling the more opposition I come against. I choose not to go into the details of the disappointments because though they are “new” circumstances they really are just old opponents; ones I need to remember I have already beaten.

I sit here unattached from the chaos around me, my mind is currently doing its best to protect me from the reality that here we are again. After crying silently at my work desk overwhelmed with the constant buzzing of my phone and constant buzzing of my mind. I do the only thing I can.

FIGHT.

This is not to say everything in me isn’t screaming, kicking, pouting that here we are…

AGAIN.

Only this time it feels worse. All at once, even my safe place was put to test. I am both numb and overwhelmed, all I can gather from this is the sadden thought, is that this is familiar.

The good thing about going through pain is just that, you are going through it! I often feel defeated, like this very moment when opposition comes up, once more.

I say to those I love when they are faced with more than they can bare and more they can understand “Remember your truth” so in this moment when my peace is paused, and hear me when I say paused because that is all this is, I refuse to let life take my peace ever again. I assure my inner gansta’...

REMEMBER YOUR TRUTH!

The truth is, this is not the first time I have felt attacked and my guess is if your reading this and are feeling like me its not your first time either, am I right?

You know what happened the last time we felt like this? we survived and you know what is going to happen this time….

WE SURVIVE.

Not because we am stronger but because we can choose to keep pushing, picking up our pieces doesn’t mean there will not be new pieces to pick up. It means you gather yourself from the ground… every time. It means you gather your truth!

I still feel it, the hurt, the disappointment but because I know this fear, this doubt, this pain I know it doesn’t last.

I put on worship music, I read words to feed my soul, feed my truth. I write this to encourage you, to encourage myself. I am surviving, you are still surviving. Keep breathing, one breath to the next, know that it pisses off your opponent. Your peace has not been stolen from you it has just been paused. Let me say that again...

YOUR PEACE HAS NOT BEEN STOLEN, IT HAS BEEN PAUSED.

If you need a sign to keep going, encouragement that you can get through from someone who is currently going through it, this is it. This is not the hallmark- sugar- coated- kumbaya speech.

It is not easy, but last time I checked easy was not in the description of badasses.

I do this for you, for me. If your reading this know I am stand with you, I hope you stand with me. I believe that it is important though I hurt at this moment to post in the rare chance it helps another. I read this over the weekend and this phrase has sat with me since …

“The more she hurt the more she learned to help others who hurt.”

I will not let my pain be for nothing. Do not let yours. Use it to spread encouragement and hope to others and if you have some to spare your girl could use some! Message comment, like and share. I need you guys too!

Con todo amor

Jena